beautiful sunsets need cloudy skies

I never thought September was indeed the most painful month yet the one very month which taught me things I need to learn in order to live my life to the fullest. I actually waited for the month to come, since it's my ex's birthmonth and I got to wait that 14th day so then I'll have my opportunity to talk or should I say, to express my never ending love for him. I did. But up til now, I still had no response. Then came the 26th of the month, year 2018, my father, who supported me through my academics, left us. He was the one who's there when I'm at my lowest, I mean like literally broke. I was a heathen and got nothing. I have nothing. But he's there to give me what I need. He's there. But I didn't pay him much attention because I focused on my own. I focused on things I won't have and people I've tried my best to win back. So, not too long, he, too, gave up. I don't know how to manage things or how to start again with a new chapter without...

11:49am on September 26,2018 My father died. And I was taking my physics exam by the time. Everything's fine. The day was okay. And I thought the only problem I got to face is the paper in front of my desk with my helper, the calculator I was too perplexed I breathe a little then continue figuring out what's in front of me Then, my phone vibrated I know, it must be my phone And even I'm in front of my professor, I sneaked in just to answer the call And ma, she's on the phone—crying How can I even help this helpless human on the other line? "Kitin, pina-pump na papa mo", said she. I'm still processing the words, p u m p? Pump. What's pump? Then it came to me that they're reviving him. The call ended. I took my seat again and stared at my ongoing test, "Di na, retake ko nalang", I told myself. So I came up to my prof and told him, "Sir, alis po muna 'ko, retake ko nalang" I rushed my way to the jeepney. ...

I am a little bit tired All these unnoticed efforts and hidden tears All will just vanish in thin air This is a bit too much. I know I should be over you If only you teach me how to.

2018/09/13 04:07 I'm thinking, how can I make you feel appreciated Like seeing an aurora borealis, How can you notice your very own beauty? It's 4 midnight and am still wondering why the sun will shine later on East, Is there any chance that you're going to light my life, too? As how the sun was destined to set on West?

Someday, I'm gonna find him, Luna And tell him all the things I've done Just to see his very eyes Do you ever felt that ache in your heart, Luna? When your mind overpowers everything even that one beating part And all you ever feel was pain For there was too many running things on your brain And you can't think right Just can't write For you don't know how to let go To the man who promised you the Omega since the Alpha You don't know what does it mean to move on And why do people just go without permission Or why they just left once you close your eyes in that one sullen night You can't have any answers They used to say excuses are better left unsaid And I'm close to believing them Too close. Luna, I hope he's now okay If not, regardless of what was I would still be like the girl he used to see I'll be the same eternally. Until then, stay with me.

In arts, You know it's the masterpiece when it's full of flaws. The more blemishes it has, the better; The more realistic it looks.. And that's how you appreciate it. The same way how we love our humans He will never be perfect And he won't be there for an eon, And that's fine. You just need to appreciate him And let him do his thing. You just have to sit there and let him grow—    like observing how a butterfly came out of its pupae    or witnessing how a bud came into bloom in split second Let him be his best self. That's how you love—     without expecting anything in return. Just loving his existence.

September 8, 2018 Rainy midnights And the unbearable sad night I didn't know yesterday was the last time I get to see you. I didn't know. I'm sorry, Tomo I wasn't a good mom I'm sorry for the ignorance I didn't knew you'll be a victim of my negligence I'm really sorry. I love you. Thank you for making me feel the most innocent love from the best dog I once had.