Padayon 'ta, Pa!

11:49am on September 26,2018
My father died.
And I was taking my physics exam by the time.
Everything's fine.
The day was okay.
And I thought the only problem I got to face is the paper in front of my desk with my helper, the calculator
I was too perplexed
I breathe a little then continue figuring out what's in front of me
Then, my phone vibrated
I know, it must be my phone
And even I'm in front of my professor,
I sneaked in just to answer the call
And ma, she's on the phone—crying
How can I even help this helpless human on the other line?
"Kitin, pina-pump na papa mo", said she.
I'm still processing the words, p u m p? Pump.
What's pump? Then it came to me that they're reviving him.
The call ended.
I took my seat again and stared at my ongoing test,
"Di na, retake ko nalang", I told myself.
So I came up to my prof and told him,
"Sir, alis po muna 'ko, retake ko nalang"
I rushed my way to the jeepney.
Then the bus.
Mama called.
My father died.
I don't want to believe her.
But I saw his cadaver all wrapped in white
Like a pupa but cold.
His hands were cold.
His toes were stiff and as usual, were pale and naive and cold.
I can't even imagine even in my wildest nightmares that this day would come
Everyone's time will come but his was just too soon. Just too soon.

If only I could turn back the time,
Right before I locked the door before I left for school
I should've known since the signs occured that he's in pain.
I should've told him I'm so thankful that he happened to my life
And I happened to him,
So thankful that he's my papa.
The only one who's going to give you your complete allowance though you're being too stubborn in your ways,
The only one who's going to save you from falling in his bike and won't let you hurt
The only one who's just too supportive with whatever you want
The only one who's just so proud of you, you'll be the one who'll get embarrassed.
He's the only father, I think that's too loud for a morning sun
He's the only father who's going to do his best just to put make up on you on your recognition day and
He's the only one who's gonna order hand-tossed but bring home a thin-crust pizza.
I actually thought before that he looked like Piolo but turned out he's more of Andrew E.
He's too tough and too strong
That I don't even had a hint that he'll be gone too soon
And he's too soft too
In women.
But most especially, in his wife, my mama
He's too soft and fragile in love and in her
I witnessed how deep his affection runs
And I'm a fan of their commitment
Love was indeed, a crazy thing.

This was just too heartbreaking
I think I need to step my game up
And do my best to fulfill what he always nags about
To help my mom.

Pa, I love you and as far as I could, I would do anything to do what you've said
You're the one and only father I want to have in this incarnate
And no one will ever do.
Rest in space and come back here.
Or transcend.
Have a great time in continuing the cycle, Pa.
Padayon lang 'ta.