beautiful sunsets need cloudy skies

"You can do it" is just the saddest phrase ever said. That's the exact set of words uttered by my dad to my mom before he passed away. It's the phrase that's meant to empower a person but that also means that that person must have to carry that weight alone. My boyfriend said that exact same thing to me last night, but with "...even without me". I'm supposed to be glad that he saw me as an independent woman but it hurts me knowing that he thinks that I can really do anything alone. Yes, I'm carrying all the weights on my back even when he's not around but I'd rather hear "you won't make it" instead of "you can do it" from him. I just love him so much that I want us to shout, "We can do it together" "You can do it" phrase from a loved one was just so alone. Thus the saying, the winner stands alone. And it's sad.

Thank you. I don’t think you have any idea how lovely you are. Part of your beauty lies in the fact that you’re simply ignorant of how remarkable it is that you exist in the world. I thought you were a dream, a figment of my imagination, someone I could only feebly hope to someday find. You make impossibility look simple. For many years, love only meant pain to me. I’d heard that it was a remarkable experience with the right person, but I hardly believed in that possibility for myself. After a childhood surrounded by discordant, miserable couples, I had no idea what healthy love looked like or where to begin to build it. Relationships used to be an interminable struggle. I flailed, inevitably sinking, attempting desperately to make it work with men who weren’t right for me. They never filled the void of insecurity and sadness inside me, and I couldn’t understand that it wasn’t their place to do so. It took hitting rock bottom to put in the necess...

He asked, why are tattoos so hard to draw? Because it will stay in your skin forever, said I Just like how you managed to walk for the first time, Or the moment you first loved the rain Or the songs that played in your mama's disc player when you're still a kid Or the nostalgic midnights you've given up sleep just to finish that one book, cover to cover These were tattooed in our minds Memories that will be kept in our synapses Til we grow old, have dementia and lost our own thought Those were tattooed in our minds And there are some that stays in our heart. Just like the second time you love so hard you can't even keep your eyes shut for a minute Like the feeling of pure love you've never thought existed When he told you you're the brightest among all Suns Then kissed your lips and tuck you in his arms in that one cold night in the ninth of November line Those tattoos were not drawn by ink But by fate Tattoos that will stay in years to come ...

I never thought September was indeed the most painful month yet the one very month which taught me things I need to learn in order to live my life to the fullest. I actually waited for the month to come, since it's my ex's birthmonth and I got to wait that 14th day so then I'll have my opportunity to talk or should I say, to express my never ending love for him. I did. But up til now, I still had no response. Then came the 26th of the month, year 2018, my father, who supported me through my academics, left us. He was the one who's there when I'm at my lowest, I mean like literally broke. I was a heathen and got nothing. I have nothing. But he's there to give me what I need. He's there. But I didn't pay him much attention because I focused on my own. I focused on things I won't have and people I've tried my best to win back. So, not too long, he, too, gave up. I don't know how to manage things or how to start again with a new chapter without...

11:49am on September 26,2018 My father died. And I was taking my physics exam by the time. Everything's fine. The day was okay. And I thought the only problem I got to face is the paper in front of my desk with my helper, the calculator I was too perplexed I breathe a little then continue figuring out what's in front of me Then, my phone vibrated I know, it must be my phone And even I'm in front of my professor, I sneaked in just to answer the call And ma, she's on the phone—crying How can I even help this helpless human on the other line? "Kitin, pina-pump na papa mo", said she. I'm still processing the words, p u m p? Pump. What's pump? Then it came to me that they're reviving him. The call ended. I took my seat again and stared at my ongoing test, "Di na, retake ko nalang", I told myself. So I came up to my prof and told him, "Sir, alis po muna 'ko, retake ko nalang" I rushed my way to the jeepney. ...

I am a little bit tired All these unnoticed efforts and hidden tears All will just vanish in thin air This is a bit too much. I know I should be over you If only you teach me how to.

2018/09/13 04:07 I'm thinking, how can I make you feel appreciated Like seeing an aurora borealis, How can you notice your very own beauty? It's 4 midnight and am still wondering why the sun will shine later on East, Is there any chance that you're going to light my life, too? As how the sun was destined to set on West?